New Years in Delhi

Unfortunately it’s that time of the year again. The time when all conversation starters are going to be, “So what’s your plan for 31st?” And mind you, it is irritating as hell to repeatedly answer this question. The point to be kept in mind is the fact that the response to this seemingly innocuous but immensely pressurizing question is going to decide the most important thing for any Delhi’ite. WHETHER YOU DO HAVE A LIFE OR NOT. And with so much of pressure, it becomes but impossible for you to not loose your sanity.
You see new years celebrations is the time for everyone to party again, for virgins to get hopeful again, for alcohol quitters to booze again, for teenage school (mostly modernites*) girls to show their growing sluttines again, for the rich to stamp their richness again and for most importantly, for whole of Delhi Police to make some quick money again.
But there are more important things that needed to be pointed out here. The most apparent and unique one being the difference in the ways the different sections of the society celebrate their new year’s parties. Here’s a look.
THE Rich + Social
The rich and social ones undoubtedly take the crown for having the best new year celebrations. These kinds can mostly be identified by certain un-ignorable traits; parents have a facebook account and are quite active on it, kids have about two thousand friends (which are mostly studs and hotties, who all lost their virginity at the age of fourteen), parties are thrown with gay abandon in farmhouses which look more exotic than Taj Mehal and would in some years be tourist spots, booze and beauty flow like there is no tomorrow (which incidentally is the case since post these so called ‘wild’ and truly ‘animalistic’ parties everybody wakes up on 2nd Jan).
Rich + Not Social = Gujjars, Jats, Haryanvis
These are the rich people who are rich courtesy the fact that they have some thousand acres of land somewhere in Mathura. Most of them have someone in their family from political background and also someone in their family from criminal background (mostly the two someone’s are the same). New Year Party is the time for them to wear their favourite jazzy shirts, sword-like pointed shoes, huge-buckled belts and go to their favourite clubs, such as Elevates, RPM, etc, hoping to land a girl either sloshed enough to get handy with anyone remotely masculine, or a desperate enough for few drinks to get into a rough and life-ruining orgy. The biggest concerns in the minds of these people on 31st is the difference in rates in stag entry and ‘cupple’ entry, but they mostly get through inside all clubs since the bouncers are mostly their own brothers or at max distant cousins.
UPPER MIDDLE CLASS KIDS
Well, even the not-so-rich people need to have their fun. Mostly their new-year parties are house parties or terrace parties, where the acronym B-Y-O-B (bring your own booze) is put to full use. Along with it BYOB, we also sometimes see variants, such as BYOF (Bring Your Own Food), BYOG (Bring your own girl), BYOGNHF (Bring your own girl n her friends). The practice of new year kisses is put to full use in these parties by all the hopeful single guys who have been trying everything else the whole night on those elusive group of drunk giggly girls. The most significant thing in these parties is that towards the end of every such party, one fucker always says that cursed sentence, “Yaar, let’s all go to fucking INDIA GATE, it’ll be awesome…wuuuugh (vomiting sound)”. Ya, obviously the trivial little fact that there’ll be around twenty police check-posts on way hardly seems an issue to these worthy minds. Something about being excessively drunk to this kind (upper middle class youngsters) always evokes this unparalleled sense of patriotism and the need to have one sight of our dear INDIA GATE.
THE POOR LONESOME CHAPPIES
Unfortunately not all in our society get to have parties. There are always these poor lonesome chaps for whom new years is a healthy reminder that they truly do not have any life. These kinds spend their 31st night along with their parents watching 5 year old recorded re-runs of bollywood stars dancing to ancient music (Sharukh dancing to ‘dil se re’, Hrithik dancing to ‘Kaho Na Pyaar Hai’, etc). The brightest point of their 31st eve is when the countdown to new year starts, because it is at this point that the whole family huddle starts, 10-9-8- papa come here, countdown’s started-6-5-mummy come fast-3-bhaiyaaaa-1-GO!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!



*Don’t get me wrong. I seriously have nothing against the modernites. In fact I really love them a lot, because they were the ones who pretty much started the whole teenage sex thing in Delhi. I mean the guys everywhere were ready for it but we surely owe it to the modernite girls to be the first in the female kind to be cool about teenage sex. Again, I don’t really mean to say that all modernite girls are sluts or anything. Wait a minute. Actually, I do mean to say exactly that. That really would be the conclusion to all I’m blabbering about. So there.